EYE-BALL JokeZone Video 14 – QANTAS – Leaving our shores …:

EYE-BALL JokeZone Video 14 – QANTAS – Leaving our shores … Updated 3rd Nov 11

This seems appropriate for the moment – QANTAS is in the news for all the wrong reasons – this I’m told is a Chaser Production – and ended up in my inbox … Video Sent in by Warwick M. It’s not a large file – 5mb in size. Format: ASF Dimensions: 320x240px [view here as 500×300 – quality OK] Video codec: WMV Audio codec: WMA Enjoy … Can be viewed on-line by clicking here: _______________________________ Most Popular/Most Visited EYE-BALL JokeZone links as at – 2nd Nov 2011: A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending] YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets … Various – Little Johnny Jokes Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’ Back to EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

EYE-BALL JokeZone Video 13 – Irish “Sick-Note”:

EYE-BALL JokeZone Video 13 – Irish “Sick-Note” – Updated 3rd Nov ’11

A Poem/Ballad sung by an Irish group – very well done … Video Sent in by EYE-BALL. It’s not a large file – 5.99mb in size. Format: ASF Dimensions: 384x288px [view here as 500×300 – quality OK] Video codec: WMV Audio codec: WMA Enjoy … Can be viewed on-line by clicking here: _______________________________ Most Popular/Most Visited EYE-BALL JokeZone links as at – 2nd Nov 2011: A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending] YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets … Various – Little Johnny Jokes Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’ Back to EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

EYE-BALL JokeZone Video 11 – Passion Killer:

EYE-BALL JokeZone Video 11 – “Passion Killer” – Updated 3rd Nov 11

This is not what you would expect – burst out laughing – not sure if it was a put up job – but the Girl got the shock of her life … The ending is the punchline … Video Sent in by Warwick M. It’s not a large file – 1.4mb in size. Format: ASF Dimensions: 320x240px [view here as 500×300 – quality OK] Video codec: WMV Audio codec: WMA Enjoy … Can be viewed on-line by clicking here: _______________________________ Most Popular/Most Visited EYE-BALL JokeZone links as at – 2nd Nov 2011: A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending] YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets … Various – Little Johnny Jokes Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’ Back to EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

EYE-BALL JokeZone Video 12 – Over 50’s Striptease Act:

EYE-BALL JokeZone Video 12 – The over 50’s Striptease Act – Updated 3rd Nov 11

This is funny and very well executed – the costumes is fabulous … you need to watch it through to the end to see what happens … Video Sent in by Peter R. It’s not a large file – 5.7mb in size. Format: ASF Dimensions: 320x240px [view here as 500×300 – quality OK] Video codec: WMV Audio codec: WMA Enjoy … Can be viewed on-line by clicking here: _______________________________ Most Popular/Most Visited EYE-BALL JokeZone links as at – 2nd Nov 2011: A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending] YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets … Various – Little Johnny Jokes Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’ Back to EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

EYE-BALL JokeZone Video 10 – Halloween Surprise:

EYE-BALL JokeZone Video 10 – Halloween Surprise – very good!!! Updated 3rd Nov 11

This costume was an original idea and he pulled it off wonderfully – don’t blink or you might miss it all …Video Sent in by Adian B. It’s not a large file – 3.4mb in size. Format: ASF Dimensions: 640x480px [view here as 500×300] Video codec: WMV Audio codec: WMA Enjoy … Update – 3rd Nov 2011 – YouTube removed the Video – pity – it was a good video – the flag was ‘copyright’ related and am in the process of trying to work it out … Update – 3rd Nov 2011 – back on-line again from original source … Can be viewed on-line by clicking here: _______________________________ Most Popular/Most Visited EYE-BALL JokeZone links as at – 2nd Nov 2011: A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending] YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets … Various – Little Johnny Jokes Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’ Back to EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Some Irish Jokes – I’

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Some Irish Jokes – I: Last Updated 2nd Nov ’11

Two Irishmen on a Cliff: Two Irishmen were standing on the top of a cliff. One had a budgie in each hand. The other had a parrot in one in hand and a shotgun in the other. The first bloke jumps of the cliff holding the two budgies above his head and crashes onto the rocks below. The second bloke jumps off holding the parrot above his head & halfway down aims the shotgun at the parrot & blows it’s head off. He also then proceeds to crash into the rocks below. As they both lay dying in a crumpled mess at the foot of the cliff the first guy says to the second ” I don’t think much of this budgie jumping. ” “No” says the second,” and you can shove this ‘parrot shooting’ up your arse as well. ” _______________________________ No Title: An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sent to 25 years in prison. The judge, having a rather good day, decided to let them take whatever they wanted into the jail with them. “I’ll take my wife” the Englishman replied. “I’ll have 20,000 bottles of Scotch” the Scot replied. “I’ll have a million cigarettes” the Irishman replied. 25 years later, when they were released, the Englishman walked out with his wife and 10 kids. The Scotsman staggered out of the jail, last bottle of Scotch in his hand. The Irishman walked out, straight up to the guard and said “You wouldn’t have a light, would you?” _______________________________ Lazy Aussie: An Irishman sat down at the bar and ordered a Guinness. “Is that Jesus over there?” he asked. “Yes” said the barman. “Well give the man a Guinness” he said. A little while later an American walked in, sat down beside the Irishman and ordered a bourbon. “Is that Jesus over there?” he asked. “Yes” said the barman. “Give the man a bourbon” he said. A little while later an Australian walked in, sat down beside the American and ordered a beer. “Is that Jesus over there?” he asked. “Yes” said the barman. “Well give the man a beer” he said. After He had finished His drinks, Jesus walked up to the Irishman, touched him on the shoulder and thanked him for the drink. The Irishman’s withered arm was immediately cured. Jesus then walked over to the American, touched him on the head and thanked him for the drink. “Thanks” said the American “I’ve had a blinding migraine for the last 20 years and instantly it’s gone”. Jesus then walked toward the Australian. “Don’t touch me ” he said ” I’m on workers comp”. _______________________________ Irish Construction: An Irishman, a Mexican and an Alabama redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, ” Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building.” The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.” The Alabama redneck opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I’m jumping too.” Next day – The Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. the Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The Alabama redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also. At the funeral – The Irishman’s wife is weeping. She says, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again! The Mexican’s wife also weeps and says ” I could have given him two tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.” Everyone turned and stared at the Alabama redneck’s wife. “Hey, don’t look at me,” she said, “He makes his own lunch!” _______________________________ Pet Shop: Two Irish men walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the exotic bird section. Gerry says to Pat “Dats dem”. The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. “Yea , we’ll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage up dere” says Gerry, “Put dem in a peerper bag”. The clerk does and the two guys leave the shop. They get into Gerry’s van and drive for two hours until they are high up in the hills and stop at the face of a cliff with a 500 foot drop. “Dis look loike a good place, eh?” says Gerry. “Oh yea, dis looks good” replies Pat. They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. “Hail fockin’ Mary, I guess I get to go first, eh boy?” says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff. Pat watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a “SPLAT”. As Pat looks over the cliff he shakes his head and says. “Fock dat, dis budgie jumping is too fockin dangerous for me!” _______________________________ Diggin’ a Trench: Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. “Ah, will you look at that?” One ditch digger said. “What’s our world comin’ to when men of th’ cloth are visitin’ such places?” A short time later, a Protestant minister walked up to the door and quietly slipped inside. “Do you believe that?” The workman exclaimed. “Why, ’tis no wonder th’ young people today are so confused, what with the example clergymen set for them.” After an hour went by, the men watched as a Catholic priest quickly entered the whore house. “Ah, what a pity,” the digger said, leaning on his shovel. “One of th’ poor lasses must be ill.” _______________________________ Fishin’: Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he’s snagged an old bottle. As he’s taking it off the hook, a genie pops out of the bottle. The genie says, “Ahh! That’s great. I was trapped in there for centuries. I have to give you one wish.” The Irish guy says, “Turn the lake into beer.” The genie says “Done…” He waves his hand, and the lake turns into beer. he Irish guy says to his pal, “So what do you think?” The second guy says, “I think you’re an asshole. Now we have to piss in the boat.” _______________________________ Drownin’ in Beer: Patrick O’Brien is knocking on the door of Maggie Sullivan. Maggie opens the door and Patrick says, “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you Maggie, your husband John has just fallen into a vat of beer down at the brewery and has drowned.” Maggie says, “I hope he went fast, did he?”. “Well not exactly, he came out three times to pee.” _______________________________ Most Popular/Most Visited EYE-BALL JokeZone links as at – 2nd Nov 2011: A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending] YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets … Various – Little Johnny Jokes Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’ Back to EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Some Religious Humour – I’

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Some Religious Humour – I: Last Updated 2nd Nov ’11

Catholic School Ethics: A ten year old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.After the first day, the boy’s parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face, and went right past them straight to his room, where he quietly closed the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room – with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime. This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the first quarter report card. The boy walked in with his report card — unopened — laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it, and to her amazement, she saw a bright red “A” under the subject of MATH. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son’s room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. “Was it the nuns that did it?”, the father asked. The boy only shook his head and said, “No.” “Was it the one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?” “No.” “The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?” “Nope,” said the son. “On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy they nailed to the ‘plus sign,’ I just knew they meant business!” _______________________________ Confessional: A Priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him to say “two Hail Marys, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.” A few minutes later a man enters the confessional. He says “Father forgive me for I have sinned.” Priest: “What did you do?” Man: “I committed adultery.” Priest:”How many times?” Man: “Three times.” Priest: “Say two Hail Marys, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more.” The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he’s got it so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says :- “Father forgive me for I have sinned.” Rabbi: “What did you do?” Woman: “I committed adultery.” Rabbi: “How many times?” Woman: “Once.” Rabbi: “Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5. _______________________________ Two Nuns and a Man Following: These 2 nuns went out the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (S.M.), the other is known as Sister Logical (S.L.) (S.L.). It is getting dark and we are still far away from the convent. S.L. : Have you noticed a man that has been following us for the past half hour ? S.M. : Yes, I wonder what he wants. S.L. : It’s logical. It’s logical. He wants to rape us. S.M. : Oh, no ! At this pace he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do ? S.L. : The only logical thing to do of course. We have to start walking faster. S.M. : It is not working. S.L. : Of course it is not working. The man did the only logical thing to do. He also started to walk faster. S.M. : So, what shall we do ? At this pace, he will reach us in less than 1 minute. S.L. : The only logical thing we can do is to split. You go that way and I will go this way. He cannot follow both of us. So, the man decided to go after Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried because Sister Logical has not arrived yet. Finally, Sister Logical arrives. S.M. : Sister Logical! Thank God you are here. Tell us what happened? S.L. : The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both of us, so he decided to go after me. S.M. : So, what happened. Please tell us. S.L.: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as I could. S.M. : So what happened then? S.L. : The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as he could. S.M. : And what else? S.L. : The only logical thing to happen. He reached me. S.M. : Oh, no. What did you do then? S.L. : The only logical thing to do. I took my dress up. S.M. : Oh, Sister. What did the man do? S.L. : The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. S.M. : Oh, no ! What happened then? S.L. : Isn’t it logical Sister? A nun with her dress up runs faster than a man with his pants down. _______________________________ Most Popular/Most Visited EYE-BALL JokeZone links as at – 2nd Nov 2011: A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending] YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets … Various – Little Johnny Jokes Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’ Back to EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Some Blond Jokes – I’

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Some Blond Jokes – I: Last Updated 2nd Nov ’11

A Smart Blond Joke: A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, “Oh, it’s Sunday night and my car broke down! I don’t know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help? “Well,” drawls the farmer, “you can stay here, but I don’t want you messin’ with my sons Jed and Luke.” She looks through the screen door and sees two young men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties. “Okay,” she says. After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to think about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, “Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?” They say, “Huh?” She says, “The only thing is, I don’t want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers.” She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long. Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth. Jed says, “Luke?” Luke says, “Yeah, Jed?” Jed says, “You remember that blond woman that came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?” “Yeah,” says Luke, “I remember.” “Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?” asks Jed. “Nope,” says Luke, “I reckon not.” “Me, neither,” says Jed, “Let’s take these things off.” _______________________________ Blonds on a Desert Island: Three blondes are on a deserted island, when 1 of them finds a lamp on the beach. She picks it up and gives it a rub and a genie pops out. The genie looks at the 3 and says, “I normally give 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant each of you one wish.” Well the 1st one is tired of being on the island, so she wishes to go back home. POOF!! She disappears. The 2nd one said she too is tired of the island & wishes to go home. POOF!! She too disappears. The genie then turns to the last Blonde and asks her what her wish is. “Gee,” she says, “I’m awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here …” _______________________________ Job Interview: A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. “So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?” The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, “Ehhhh… 22!” The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. “And can you tell us your height, please?” The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, “Five foot two!” This isn’t looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. “And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?” The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying, “Mandy!” The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, “Just out of curiosity Ms., we can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?” “Ohh that!” replies the blonde. “That’s just me running through ‘Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you…'” _______________________________ Job Interview: A blonde was walking down a dark alley one night when a mugger jumped out of a doorway and demanded all her money. “But I don’t have any money,” she said. “Don’t lie to me! I know you must have some on you somewhere. Where is it, in your bra?” said the robber as he began frisking her all over. He paid particular attention to the very full looking and understandably therefore suspect bra. As a matter of fact, he groped her breasts for a prolonged period, finding nothing. Well, no money, anyway. “I told you I didn’t have any money,” the blonde smiled, “but if you promise to keep that up for another ten minutes, I’ll write you a check for any amount you want.” _______________________________ Some Short One Liners: Why won’t they hire Blondes as pharmacists? They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters. Did you hear about the 2 Blondes who were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theatre? They went to see “Closed for the Winter”. How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde’s eye? Shine a flashlight in her ear. Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign it said “Disneyland left” so they turned around and went home. Why do Blondes like a BMW better than a Mercedes? They can spell BMW. Blondes in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger: Linda: I can’t seem to get this door unlocked! Sylvie: Well, you’d better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down! A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said “Oh, look at the dead bird.” The Blonde looked skyward and said “Where, where?” Three Blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first Blonde said “those are deer tracks.” The second Blonde said “No, those are elk tracks.” The third Blonde said “You’re both wrong, those are moose tracks.” The Blondes were still arguing when the train hit them. A brunette goes to the doctor & as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says, “Doctor it hurts everywhere! My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, & even my head hurts!” The doctor asks, “Were you ever a Blonde?” “Yes, I was,” she replies “why do you ask?” The doctor answers, “because your finger is broken!” _______________________________ Most Popular/Most Visited EYE-BALL JokeZone links as at – 2nd Nov 2011: A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending] YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets … Various – Little Johnny Jokes Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’ Back to EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘The Highlander’

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘The Highlander’: Last Updated 2nd Nov ’11

The Highlander: One misty Scottish morning a man was driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander stepped into the middle of the road. He is at least 6 feet 4 inches and has the appearance of a walking wardrobe. He has a huge red beard and despite the wind, mist and near freezing temperatures is dressed only in a kilt, plaid shirt and a tam o’shanter at a rakish angle. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful – slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair…completely heart stopping. The driver stops and stares. His attention is only distracted from the woman when the red thing opens the car door and a fist resembling a whole raw ham drags him out. “Right, you Jimmy,” he shouts, “Ah want yu to masturbate” “But…” stammers the driver. “Du it now… or I’ll bluddy well kill yer here and now!” So the driver turns his back to the girl and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl behind him, this doesn’t take long. “Right,” snarls the highlander, “Du it again.” “But..” says the driver. “Now!” So the driver does it again. “Right laddie, one more time but this time with a lot of vigor” demands the highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, has violent knob-ache, his sight is failing – (as promised for years by his priest) – and despite the cold has collapsed in a sweating jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand. “Du it again”, said the highlander. “I can’t do it any more…you’ll just have to kill me” says the driver. The highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped by the roadside. “All right laddie”, he says, “NOW you can give ma daughter a lift to Inverness!!!” _______________________________ Best/most visited Joke’s to date at the EYE-BALL JokeZone’s Blog: A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending] YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets … Various – Little Johnny Jokes Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’ Back to EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Taiwanese Businessman’

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Taiwanese Businessman’: Last Updated 2nd Nov ’11

TAIWANESE BUSINESSMAN:The president of Chase Manhattan Bank decides he should take a vacation/business trip. Since the president has heard about how fun Taipei is, he decides to visit the offices there. He books two tickets, one for him and one for his secretary. After his arrival in Taipei, the president receives an urgent message from headquarters that the richest man in Taiwan wants to put all his money into a Chase Manhattan account. Since the account would be quite substantial, the president decides to meet personally with the man. The next day, the president and his secretary go to meet the Taiwanese business at a really expensive restaurant. Throughout the dinner, the president tries to bring up the subject of opening the accounts for the Taiwanese businessman. However, the prospective client only seems to be interested in the president’s secretary. After the dinner, the businessman asks the secretary to spend the rest of the evening seeing the sights in Taipei with him. Not wishing to offend the prospective client, the president orders his secretary to spend some time with the man. He tells her that she must be diplomatic and under no circumstances is she to insult the man by rejecting him outright. After going to a dance club for a few hours, the businessman takes the secretary aside. As he holds her hand and looks her straight in the eyes, he tells her that he loves her. Then, he gets on his knees and asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken a back. However, she remembers what her boss told her. Don’t reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, “I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75 carat diamond ring, with a matching 200 carat diamond tiara.” The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says “No problem!! I buy. I buy.” Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says to the man, “I want you to build me a 100 room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a château built in the middle of the best wine country in France.” The man pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone, calls some brokers in New York, then he calls some brokers in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, “Okay, okay. I build, I build.” Realizing that she has one last condition, the secretary knows that she’d better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally, she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, “Since I like to have sex, I want the man, I marry to have a 12-inch penis.” The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table. All the while, he’s muttering something in Chinese. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the man nods his head, looking real sad, says to the woman, “I cut. I cut.” _______________________________ Best/most visited Joke’s to date at the EYE-BALL JokeZone’s Blog: A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending] YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets … Various – Little Johnny Jokes Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’ Back to EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘PM Gillard and some of her Cartoons’

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘PM Gillard and her Cartoons’: Last Updated 2nd Nov ’11

PM Gillard and her Cartoons: The following Images have been sent to for publication by EYE-BALL Author – Herman O’Hermitage They are a Cartoon Collection on the Australian Prime Minister – Julia Gillard: [Should you have any more – please send them in to E-Mail: blogcomment@bigpond.com and they will be posted with accreditation. – No source has been accredited and this is only because the original source is unknown despite some efforts to establish the source origins of the cartoons.] _______________________________ Best/most visited Joke’s to date at the EYE-BALL JokeZone’s Blog: A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending] YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets … Various – Little Johnny Jokes Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’ Back to EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Moral Story – Bullshit’s Reward’:

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Moral Story – Bullshit’s Reward’: Last Updated 2nd Nov ’11

Bullshit’s Reward: A pheasant was standing in a field chatting to a bull. “I would love to be able to get to the top of yonder tree’, sighed the pheasant, ‘but I haven’t got the energy’. ‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. ‘They’re packed with nutrients’. The pheasant pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. And so on. Finally, after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Whereupon he was spotted by a farmer who dashed into the farmhouse, emerged with a shotgun, and shot the pheasant right out of the tree. Moral of the Story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there. _______________________________ Best/most visited Joke’s to date at the EYE-BALL JokeZone’s Blog: A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending] YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets … Various – Little Johnny Jokes Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’ Back to EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Husband Wife and Daughter Jokes’:

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ”Husband Wife and Daughter Jokes”: Last Updated Nov 2nd ’11

Mother, Daughter and Buggy: A country woman and her daughter were riding in an old open buggy one cold, blustery January day in North Dakota. The daughter said to the mother. “My hands are freezing cold.” The mother replied. “Put your hands between your legs. The heat will warm them up. So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day, the daughter was riding in the buggy with her boyfriend. The boyfriend said. “My hands are freezing cold.” The girl replied. “Put them between my legs, they’ll warm up.” He did, and his hands warmed up. The next day, the boyfriend was again driving in the buggy with the girl. He said: “My nose is freezing cold.” The girl replied. “Put it between my legs. It will warm up.” He did, and his nose warmed up. The next day, the boy friend was once again driving with the girl and he said. “My penis is frozen solid.” The next day, the girl is driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother: “Have you ever heard of a penis?” The somewhat concerned mother says: “Yes, I have. Why do you ask?” The daughter says: “Well, they make one hell of a mess when they thaw out!” _______________________________ The Perfect Day – Female and Male Version: THE PERFECT DAY – ACCORDING TO HER 8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses, 9:00 3 kilos lighter on the scales, 9:30 Light breakfast, 11:00 Sunbathe, 12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe, 1:45 Shopping, 2:20 Run into Husbands ex – she’s gained 18 kilos, 3:00 Facial, massage, nap, 7:30 Candle lit Dinner for two and dancing, 10:00 Make love, 11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms, THE PERFECT DAY – ACCORDING TO HIM 10:00 Wake Up, 10:02 Oral sex, 10:10 Big breakfast, 11:30 Drive up coast in Ferrari with gorgeous babe with big hooters, 2:15 Enormous seafood lunch, 3:15 Oral sex with the babe with the big hooters, 3:25 Play sports with the guys, 4:30 Drink beers with the boys, 6:30 Meet world famous model, 6:40 Oral sex with world famous model, 6:50 Huge dinner, more beer, 8:00 Loud music on Hi Fi, more beer, 11:00 Full on get down gorilla sex with world famous model, 11:10 Sleep. _______________________________ A HUSBAND and WIFE JOKE – 1: A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small. Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. “If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.” Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. “How long will this take?” she asks. “They’ll grow larger over a period of years,” he replies. The wife stops. “Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts everyday will make my breasts grow over the years?” she asks. The husband shrugs. “Why not, it worked for your ass, didn’t it?” _______________________________ A HUSBAND and WIFE JOKE – 2: A man’s wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. The husband walks down to the store only to find it closed and so he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of drinks and one thing leads to another. Sometime thereafter, they end up back at the woman’s apartment. One thing leads to another and the next thing the man knows, it’s 3 o’clock in the morning. “Oh no!” says the man, “It’s really late… my wife’s going to kill me. Hey, do you have any talcum powder?” Curious, the woman reluctantly hands the man some talcum powder. He proceeds to rub the powder on his hands and then rushes out the woman’s apartment for home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is rather upset, to say the least. “Where the hell have you been?” “Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So, I went to the bar to use the vending machine. Well, I met this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks together. Anyway, one thing led to another and I ended back at her place.” “Oh, really?” says the wife, sarcastically. “Let me see your hands!” He raises his hands and, sure enough, she notices that his hands are covered with powder. “You son of a bitch! You went bowling again!” _______________________________ Best/most visited Joke’s to date at the EYE-BALL JokeZone’s Blog: A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending] YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets … Various – Little Johnny Jokes Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’ Back to EYE-BALL JokeZone Index: