EYE-BALL’s – “On the Hustings” Day 1 – The Campaign Begins –

Title: – EYE-BALL’s “On the Hustings” Day 1 – – The Campaign Begins – | Author: No-way José | 5th Aug 2013 |

Welcome to the greatest ego fest ever where the wannabe’s and pretenders to our welfare tell us how good they are, and how much of a difference they will/want/try to make. None of us really take a whole lot of notice of what is promised, i.e. none of us expect deliverance as history proves, but what can we reasonably expect from these cashed up political parties?History proves that the talk is by far more than the reality … so who and how do we figure out who is the best/worst liar, who has the most believable policy that will make a difference? EYE-BALL’s “BULLSHIT” measure is designed to access every Political Party’s policy bullshit component therein.  All the major Party’s have a start value of 40% based on a generalised view on past performances.   The exception is the “None of the Above” campaign who aren’t wanting anybody to vote for them – just to not vote for anybody unless you the voter are sure the candidate you do vote for will serve your interests best. Over the campaign period each Party’s “BULLSHIT” measurement will be adjusted to reflect the obvious ‘bullshit’ contained in their policy releases and public appearances.   The graphic below will hopefully become a true choice barometer upon which voters can safely rely upon to help them make their election day choices.  [Click on Graphs to enlarge in a new window.] To explain the measure further the following is offered:  how much can a candidate/party/leader obviously lie to the public before the public realises that what is offered really is a ‘bullshit’ offer.  We acknowledge that most of us are only professional political analysts once or twice every three years … but our instincts are accurate because we always get the Government we vote for. We might be seen as dumb, but not so dumb that you can try to rob us blind and for us to not take an interest. In addition to the Political Party “BULLSHIT” measure, there is also the Media “BULLSHIT” measure as indicated by the chart below. The Media measure is not hard – News have declared their Coalition bias, and the ABC and Fairfax are ALP supporters.   EYE-BALL’s opinions are neutral and are about the only unbiased opinions that will be expressed outside the mainstream media arena. WHO can you trust for your political analysis? Day 1: AEC’s Enrollment Drive: Linked here. Today is Day 1 of the 34 day campaign and the immediate focus of the ALP and the Greens is to get as many un-enrolled electors enrolled … the deadline is seven (7) days and the AEC link to find more information about whether you are enrolled can be found here.  [EYE-BALL.] ABC’s Vote Compass:  Linked here. A brilliant on-line survey presented by the ABC’s Anthony Green will prove to be an election barometer never seen before.  His 30 question survey has gone ballistic this morning with 170,000 people logging on to give their responses.  His questions will decide the election issues seen as most important and the major party’s will be keenly seeking Green’s data to help them plan their election strategies. [EYE-BALL] Party Policy links: Liberal Party Policies The Nationals Policies ALP Policies The Greens Policies Bob ‘Katter’s Australian Party’ Policies Clive ‘Palmer United Party’ Policies Day 1 Campaign Speeches: Link to Tony Abbott’s media release Link to Warren Truss’s media release Link to Kevin Rudd’s media release Link to Christine Milne’s media release – no link available at time of posting. Link to Clive Palmer’s media release Link to Bob Katter’s media release Link to the ABC’s 2013 Election coverage: Link to ABC’s Election 2013 coverage Snippet Updates from EYE-BALL’s – Harry Growl: Word is that Kevin Rudd weigh himself this morning – he felt calling the election shed a great weight from his shoulders – he was looking for good news and reasons to ensure a spring in his step today … Tony Abbott after his bike, swim, and run exercise this morning is said to have met with his staff still dressed in sandshoes and buggie smugglers …  not sure if this is his usual attire for these meetings … His PA who carries his boxing gown at the ready was absent – she herself had a night of her own exercise with the knowledge that her workload in coming weeks will mean her normal sex life will now be restricted to campaign sex at best … campaign volunteers should be on the lookout … Christine Milne’s frumpy perspective was highlighted well in her campaign launch this morning.   See link here.  Milne has obviously decided to let Hanson-Young carry the ‘most appealing’ Greens candidate banner for the campaign … Warren Truss was understandably ‘cool’ under the pressure of another election campaign – his neighbour National MP Paul Neville who is retiring had a better morning – he slept in with the knowledge of the new guy ‘what’isname’ having to do all the electioneering … Bill Shorten’s wife and Mother in Law made sure Bill was wearing his ‘cock-lock’ before he headed off on his election campaign.  Bill’s known exploits for backroom banter and hanky-panky has forced his wife and mother in law to take action.  Bill’s rod is instinctive and it points to any fertile opportunity – the ‘cock-lock’ makes it hurt.  The other thrill is for the mother in law when helped Bill tuck his junk away and turned the key.  She controls the key and Bill has to be a good boy before he is allowed to free himself. Christopher Pyne made an appointment with his male hairdresser … Anthony Albanese had his usual Monday massage … Julia Gillard was already drinking champagne in Adelaide when she heard about the election from Craig Emerson … Tim was nowhere to be seen … Emerson was holidaying in Bali with the expectation that this will be his last taxpayer paid overseas trip … he is still pining for Julia … Peter Garrett was looking through his music collection pondering a song set for the ALP campaign launch … Kate Elis changed her lipstick colour under advisement … Penny Wong made no changes to her daily routines … David Bradbury was seen praying at a mosque in the hope of winning over some islamic voters … Wayne Swan was trimming his toenails when he heard about the election – upon the news he decided to take a nap before watching the 4:00pm footy replay … Pliberseck also weighed herself and sighed hard when she realised she would have to go out and buy a new wardrobe for the campaign … Macklin took it all in her stride and just drank the bottle empty as opposed to the normal half bottle before and after dinner … … there are many other unconfirmed reports of ALP MP’s and Senators responses to the election announcement … all in good time. Final Comment from EYE-BALL: This new election commentary page is provided as a service to subscribers and readers during the 2013 election campaign. All and any abusive comments will be deleted without notice. Satire and witty comments are appreciated … and in all seriousness, this Nation is a bee’s dick away from disaster, and if anyone thinks that Rudd or Abbott have the goods to be our PM and lead this Nation away from that disaster, please express your thoughts and reasons in the comments section below.  You never know, your comment might just make a difference.

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