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EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Some Irish Jokes – I’

November 2, 2011
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EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Some Irish Jokes – I:
Last Updated 2nd Nov ’11
SmilingTwo Irishmen on a Cliff:

Two Irishmen were standing on the top of a cliff. One had a budgie in each hand. The other had a parrot in one in hand and a shotgun in the other.

The first bloke jumps of the cliff holding the two budgies above his head and crashes onto the rocks below.

The second bloke jumps off holding the parrot above his head & halfway down aims the shotgun at the parrot & blows it’s head off. He also then proceeds to crash into the rocks below.

As they both lay dying in a crumpled mess at the foot of the cliff the first guy says to the second ” I don’t think much of this budgie jumping. ”

“No” says the second,” and you can shove this ‘parrot shooting’ up your arse as well. ”

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SmilingNo Title:

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sent to 25 years in prison. The judge, having a rather good day, decided to let them take whatever they wanted into the jail with them.

“I’ll take my wife” the Englishman replied.

“I’ll have 20,000 bottles of Scotch” the Scot replied.

“I’ll have a million cigarettes” the Irishman replied.

25 years later, when they were released, the Englishman walked out with his wife and 10 kids. The Scotsman staggered out of the jail, last bottle of Scotch in his hand. The Irishman walked out, straight up to the guard and said “You wouldn’t have a light, would you?”

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SmilingLazy Aussie:

An Irishman sat down at the bar and ordered a Guinness. “Is that Jesus over there?” he asked.

“Yes” said the barman.

“Well give the man a Guinness” he said.

A little while later an American walked in, sat down beside the Irishman and ordered a bourbon. “Is that Jesus over there?” he asked.

“Yes” said the barman.

“Give the man a bourbon” he said.

A little while later an Australian walked in, sat down beside the American and ordered a beer. “Is that Jesus over there?” he asked.

“Yes” said the barman.

“Well give the man a beer” he said.

After He had finished His drinks, Jesus walked up to the Irishman, touched him on the shoulder and thanked him for the drink. The Irishman’s withered arm was immediately cured.

Jesus then walked over to the American, touched him on the head and thanked him for the drink. “Thanks” said the American “I’ve had a blinding migraine for the last 20 years and instantly it’s gone”.

Jesus then walked toward the Australian.

“Don’t touch me ” he said ” I’m on workers comp”.

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SmilingIrish Construction:

An Irishman, a Mexican and an Alabama redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, ” Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch I’m going to jump off this building.”

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”

The Alabama redneck opened his lunch and said, “Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time I’m jumping too.”

Next day – The Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. the Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The Alabama redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral – The Irishman’s wife is weeping. She says, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!

The Mexican’s wife also weeps and says ” I could have given him two tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”

Everyone turned and stared at the Alabama redneck’s wife. “Hey, don’t look at me,” she said, “He makes his own lunch!”

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SmilingPet Shop:

Two Irish men walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the exotic bird section. Gerry says to Pat “Dats dem”.

The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. “Yea , we’ll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage up dere” says Gerry,

“Put dem in a peerper bag”. The clerk does and the two guys leave the shop. They get into Gerry’s van and drive for two hours until they are high up in the hills and stop at the face of a cliff with a 500 foot drop.

“Dis look loike a good place, eh?” says Gerry.

“Oh yea, dis looks good” replies Pat.

They flip a coin and Gerry wins the toss. “Hail fockin’ Mary, I guess I get to go first, eh boy?” says Gerry. He then takes two birds out of the bag, places them on his shoulders and jumps off the cliff.

Pat watches as his mate drops off the edge and goes straight down for a few seconds followed by a “SPLAT”.

As Pat looks over the cliff he shakes his head and says. “Fock dat, dis budgie jumping is too fockin dangerous for me!”

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SmilingDiggin’ a Trench:

Two Irishmen were digging a ditch directly across from a brothel. Suddenly, they saw a rabbi walk up to the front door, glance around and duck inside. “Ah, will you look at that?” One ditch digger said. “What’s our world comin’ to when men of th’ cloth are visitin’ such places?”
A short time later, a Protestant minister walked up to the door and quietly slipped inside. “Do you believe that?” The workman exclaimed. “Why, ’tis no wonder th’ young people today are so confused, what with the example clergymen set for them.”
After an hour went by, the men watched as a Catholic priest quickly entered the whore house. “Ah, what a pity,” the digger said, leaning on his shovel. “One of th’ poor lasses must be ill.”

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SmilingFishin’:

Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he’s snagged an old bottle. As he’s taking it off the hook, a genie pops out of the bottle.

The genie says, “Ahh! That’s great. I was trapped in there for centuries. I have to give you one wish.”

The Irish guy says, “Turn the lake into beer.” The genie says “Done…” He waves his hand, and the lake turns into beer.
he Irish guy says to his pal, “So what do you think?”

The second guy says, “I think you’re an asshole. Now we have to piss in the boat.”

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SmilingDrownin’ in Beer:

Patrick O’Brien is knocking on the door of Maggie Sullivan.

Maggie opens the door and Patrick says, “I’m afraid I have some bad news for you Maggie, your husband John has just fallen into a vat of beer down at the brewery and has drowned.”

Maggie says, “I hope he went fast, did he?”.

“Well not exactly, he came out three times to pee.”

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SmilingMost Popular/Most Visited EYE-BALL JokeZone links as at – 2nd Nov 2011:

  1. A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending]
  2. YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets …
  3. Various – Little Johnny Jokes
  4. Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’

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