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EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Various – 13’

December 5, 2011
The-EYE-BALL-JokeZone
EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Various – 13:
Posted  5th Dec ’11
SmilingAfter the annual office Christmas-party, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

“Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?”

“Even worse,” she assured him, voice dripping with scorn. “You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the president of the company to his face.”

“He’s an asshole! Piss on him!”

“You did,” Louise informed him. “And he fired you.”

“Well fuck him and his whole board of directors,” growled John.

“I did. You’re back to work on Monday.”

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Smiling

A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices two motor bikes still parked out the front. He goes round the back of the pub only to find two bikers, one with his fingers up the bum of the other.

“So what’s going on here?” he asks.

The bikie replies “My mate here has had too much to drink and I’m trying to make him vomit.”

The cop says “I think you should be sticking your fingers down his THROAT!”

The bikie replies “That’s what I’m going to do next!”

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Smiling

The young Farmer Brown made an appointment with the family doctor, regarding sexual problems he was having with his wife. “Now listen, Luke,” the doctor advised, “you have to be more loving to your wife. Give her lots of hugs and kisses. Show her how much you care.”

“Well, I do the best I can, Doc,” the fellow cried. “You see I’m up before the sun rises, working in the field until dusk. I’m just too tired.”

The doctor thought for a moment and then said, “Take a shotgun with you next time you work in the field and shoot it off every time you’re feeling a bit frisky. When your wife hears the noise, she’ll come a-runnin’.”

About a month later Farmer Brown went back to the doctor….this time really depressed. “What’s wrong” asked the doctor. “Didn’t you take my advice?”

“Yep, I sure did, and everything was going great until hunting season started last week,” moaned the farmer. “I haven’t seen her since.”

_______________________________

Smiling

In show and tell one morning, the teacher asked if there was anything unusual about their parents.Susie told a story…,Bobby told a story…,Lil Johnny said he dad ate light bulbs.

“What do you mean?”

Well I heard him say to my mom, turn out the light honey and I’ll eat it. (very abridged version)

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Smiling

A white man, a black man and an Arab, were standing around bragging about the size of their families.

The white man boasted, “I have 4 boys and my wife is expecting another — Five boys … I will have a basketball team!”

The black man, not to be outdone, said, “That’s nothing!! I have 10 boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another son — that will make 11 — I will have a football team!!”

The Arab, looked at both of them and screamed out, “You both should be ashamed of yourselves! I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course.”

______________________________

Smiling

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and his ticket home. If he could just get to the airport, he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his driver’s license number, his address, etc., but to no avail.

The cabbie said, “If you don’t have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab.”

So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well whom should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck.

The businessman thought for a moment about how he could get his revenge. He got into the first cab in the line. “How much for a ride to the airport?” he asked.

“Fifteen bucks,” came the reply.

“And how much for you to give me oral sex on the way?”

“What? Get the hell out of my cab.”

The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same results. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, “How much for a ride to the airport?” The cabbie replied, “fifteen bucks.”

The businessman said ok, and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, the businessman gave a big smile and a thumbs up sign to each driver.

_______________________________

Smiling

On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room.

Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked except for a lemon between her legs.

The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out of the room himself. Twenty minutes passed and then he came back himself with a potato around his penis.

The wife gave him a weird look and then the husband replied:

“If you’re going as a sour-puss, I’m going as a dictator”.

_______________________________

Smiling

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.

Child: “Mother, where do babies come from?”

Mom: “Well dear…a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room…they kiss and hug and have sex.(The daughter looks puzzled.) That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.”

Child: “Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy’s room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

Mom: “Jewelry, dear.”

_______________________________

Smiling

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he’d be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.

“What’s wrong, Bill?” she asked.

“Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?”

“Oh, Bill, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

“My God, Bill, what happened?”

“I got fired.”

“No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?”

“Oh…she got fired too.”

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Click here to see the EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

SmilingMost Popular/Visited EYE-BALL JokeZone links as at – 2nd Dec 2011:

  1. Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’
  2. YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets …
  3. Stand Alone Joke – Santa Clause – an Engineer’s Perspective
  4. Stand Alone Joke – Moral Story – Bullshit’s Reward –
  5. Various – More ‘Little Johnny’ Jokes – 1
  6. Stand Alone Joke – PM Gillard and some of her Cartoons –
  7. Stand Alone Joke – A Deserted Island Joke
  8. Stand Alone Joke – One night stand court case –
  9. Stand Alone Joke – Some Blond Jokes – I –
  10. Stand Alone Joke – Anger Management –

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Click here to see the EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

SmilingThe EYE-BALL JokeZone Index is an Australian produced site and presents a collection of Australian and International humour alike. You’ll find the content either in Joke format, a Video or YouTube upload, or in some stunningly beautiful Nature and other Worldly images presented in PPS format. You’ll also find some inter-active stuff if you’re so inclined. Bookmark the site and come back often as content is continuously being added and highlighted with “NEW”. Hope you smile a lot – it is about the only thing that keeps this World together … let humour do it for you and be happy !!! If you want to contribute and send content – please use this E-Mail Address: – be sure to include your ‘handle’ or name for accreditation purposes … all messages will be reviewed for suitability – no Porn, explicit violence or abuse please.

 

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