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EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Various – 12’

December 2, 2011
The-EYE-BALL-JokeZone
EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Various – 12:
Posted  2nd Dec ’11
SmilingAt an art exhibition, a couple was viewing a painting of three very naked & very black men sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on the ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.

While the couple was scratching their heads trying to figure this out, the artist walked by and noticed the couple’s confusion. “Can I help you with this painting?” he asked.

“Well, yes” said the gentleman. We were curious about this picture of the black men on the bench. Why is it that the man in the middle has a pink penis?”

“Oh” said the artist. “I’m afraid you’ve misunderstood the painting. The three men are not Africans, they’re coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went home for lunch..”

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Smiling

A girl walks into a dentist’s surgery. she hops in the chair and the dentist tilts the chair back, he reaches for the drill and was about to start ripping into when he said, “hang on. you had a 69’er last night, didn’t you??!!”

The girl feeling all embarrassed said, ” ooops, well…err… yes I did…how can you tell? do I have pubic hair in my teeth?”

The dentist : “no! you’ve got shit up your nose!!!”

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Smiling

This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon, and are watching the auctioning off of bulls for stud.

The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off. A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year. The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, and comments: “See! That was more than 5 times a month!”

The second bull is to be sold: Another fine specimen. This wonder reproduced 120 times last year. Again the wife bugs her husband. “Hey, that’s some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!” Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison…

The third bull is up for sale: And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year! The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells: “That’s once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!”

The husband was pretty irritated by now, and yells back, “Sure, once a day! But ask the announcer if they were all with the same cow!”

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Smiling

After working for years, a hooker finally retired and, being afraid of spending the rest of her life alone, she decided to marry. She had been with so many perverted men over the years that she felt she needed a change and would only get one by marrying a virgin male near her age. She took out ads in newspapers around the world seeking a male virgin who was 55 years old.

She finally narrowed her choice to an Australian computer programmer. After a thorough background check, she was satisfied that he had indeed never been with a woman and they were married. On their wedding night, she went into the bathroom to change into her nightie. When she came back out, she found that her new husband had taken the bed and everything in the room and stacked it in one corner of the room. Thinking this was rather kinky, she said to her husband, “I thought you had never been with a woman.”

He replied, “That’s true, but if it’s anything like screwing a kangaroo, we’re going to need all the room we can get!”.

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Smiling

In a Biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female freshman raised her hand and asked, “If I understand, you’re saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in male semen?”

“That’s correct.” responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, “Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?”

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl’s face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class.

However, as she was going out the door, the Professor’s reply was classic…

Totally straight-faced he answered her question, “It doesn’t taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the *back* of your throat.”

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Smiling

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. “I’m lookin’ fer the meanest, roughest, toughest whore in the Yukon!” he growled to the bartender.

“Well, we got her!” barked the barkeep. “She’s upstairs, second room on the right.”

The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the whore and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked open the second door on the right and yelled, “I’m lookin’ for the meanest, roughest, toughest whore in the Yukon!”

The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, “Well, you found her!” She then stripped naked, bent over and grabbed both ankles.

“How’d ya know I like to do it in that position?” asked the miner. “I didn’t,” replied the whore, “but I thought ya might like to open the beers before we get started.”

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Smiling

Her husband has been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck!”

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Smiling

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and which ever side’s dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler females in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the dog fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out of it’s cage and slowly waddled over towards the Russian dog. The Russian dog snarled and leaped out of it’s cage and charged the American dachshund. But, when it got close enough to bite the Dachshund’s neck, the Dachshund opened it’s mouth and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. “We don’t understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler females in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves.”

“That’s nothing”, an American replied. “We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a dachshund.

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SmilingThere once was a lawyer who was so fanatical about his golf game that he used to play every day. One morning he had played the first hole and was just about to tee off on the second, when he saw the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen putting on the first.

The lawyer waited until the woman had reached the second tee and asked if she would like to join him and they could finish the round together. To his surprise the woman agreed and they played the remaining holes. Not only was this woman beautiful, she was also a good golfer.

When they completed their round, the lawyer told the woman that, not only was he a lawyer, but he was also a cordon bleu chef and wine buff. He invited her back to his place for a meal and a few drinks. The woman accepted enthusiastically and off they went. Back at the house the lawyer cooked a magnificent meal. In fact it was more than just cooking it was a performance to behold. They enjoyed good food, good wine and good conversation. After the meal, the woman repaid the lawyer with the best oral sex he had ever experienced.

The lawyer was so taken by the beauty and skill of this woman and desired her no end. He then asked if she would like to play golf the following morning, to which she agreed. Once again they enjoyed a great game of golf, a magnificent evening meal and once more the woman performed sensational oral sex on the lawyer.

This went on for three weeks when the lawyer finally said to the woman, “Listen, the golf and the company have been fantastic! But, there are only so many blow jobs a man can take. When are we going to have sexual intercourse?”

“We can’t,” said the woman.

“Why not?” came the reply. “Because I’m a transvestite” replied the woman.

“YOU BITCH!” screamed the lawyer, “…I CAN’T BELIEVE that you’ve been playing from the LADIES TEE FOR THE LAST THREE WEEKS!”

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Click here to see the EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

SmilingMost Popular/Visited EYE-BALL JokeZone links as at – 2nd Dec 2011:

  1. Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’
  2. YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets …
  3. Stand Alone Joke – Santa Clause – an Engineer’s Perspective
  4. Stand Alone Joke – Moral Story – Bullshit’s Reward –
  5. Various – More ‘Little Johnny’ Jokes – 1
  6. Stand Alone Joke – PM Gillard and some of her Cartoons –
  7. Stand Alone Joke – A Deserted Island Joke
  8. Stand Alone Joke – One night stand court case –
  9. Stand Alone Joke – Some Blond Jokes – I –
  10. Stand Alone Joke – Anger Management –

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Click here to see the EYE-BALL JokeZone Index:

SmilingThe EYE-BALL JokeZone Index is an Australian produced site and presents a collection of Australian and International humour alike. You’ll find the content either in Joke format, a Video or YouTube upload, or in some stunningly beautiful Nature and other Worldly images presented in PPS format. You’ll also find some inter-active stuff if you’re so inclined. Bookmark the site and come back often as content is continuously being added and highlighted with “NEW”. Hope you smile a lot – it is about the only thing that keeps this World together … let humour do it for you and be happy !!! If you want to contribute and send content – please use this E-Mail Address: – be sure to include your ‘handle’ or name for accreditation purposes … all messages will be reviewed for suitability – no Porn, explicit violence or abuse please.

 

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