Home > The EYE-BALL JokeZone > EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Some Religious Humour – II’

EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Some Religious Humour – II’

November 3, 2011
The-EYE-BALL-JokeZone
EYE-BALL JokeZone – ‘Some Religious Humour – II’:
Updated 3rd Nov ’11
SmilingGod’s Wrath:

God decides that he has had enough of mankind. In a crash of thunder, he yanked up to heaven three of the world’s most influencial men, Bill Gates, Bris Yeltsin and Bill Clinton.God boomed “The Human Race is a complete dissapointment and you each have one week to prepare your followers for the end of the earth.”

Upon returning to earth Clinton immediately called his cabinet and said “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that there is a god, but the bad news is that he plans to end the world in a week.”

Yeltsin called his comrades and said “I have bad news and worst news. The bad news is that we were wrong, there is a god and the worst news is that he’s going to end the world in week.”

Gates calles a meeting of his engineers and said “I have good news and better news. The good news is that god considers me one of the world’s most influential man, the better news is that we don’t have to fix windows ’95.”

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SmilingOral Sex Epidemic:

“Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?” God asked.

“I’m very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There’s drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it – a regular Sodom and Gomorrah. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex. According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. Even four out of five dentists recommend it. I’m afraid it has reached epidemic proportions.”

“Hmmm,” God said thoughtfully, “Do you have any recommendations as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?”

“I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral sex. The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen to them on judgment day if they do not stop this type of activity.” replied St. Peter.

“That is an effective solution,” God stated, “but I think that instead of punishing those who practice oral sex, we should reward those who refrain from it. Let’s send a letter that’s personally signed by me to each one of these good people.”

And so they did. Do you know what the letter said?

Hmmm…You didn’t get the letter either, huh?

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SmilingConfessional Mixup:

Father O’leary is doing confession one Sunday when he realizes he has to pee. He peeks his head out of the confessional and sees a group of altar boys sitting in the pews. He calls out for one and asks the little boy to take his place while he goes to the bathroom, “Whenever they enter, allow them to confess, and using this list, give them the appropriate repentance.” There’s a list posted on his side of the confessional.

“For theft, 6 hail-marys. For murder, 12 hail-marys and an hour of silent prayer, and so on, ya got it.” The boy nods and proceeds to wait.

Along comes a lady who enters the confessional and begins “Father, it’s been 2 weeks since my last confession.”

The boy, in a low, manly voice responds “Yes, go on my child.”

She continues to tell him that she gave a blowjob to a man who was not her husband. The boy scans the list saying to himself “Blowjob, blowjob, where’s the friggin blowjob”.

Well there’s no listing for blowjob, so he looks out and asks Tony, another altar boy, “Hey Tony, what does Father O’leary give for a blowjob?” Tony goes, “A handful of Gummi Bears and a Snickers bar.”

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SmilingThe Missionary’s Lesson:

A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and goes to live with a tribe therein. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write and the good Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!

One day the wife of one of the Tribe’s noblemen gives birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary.

“You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man that has ever set foot in our village. It doesn’t take a genius to work out what has been going on!”

The missionary replies: “No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrance – what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one black one. Nature does this on occasion.”

The chief pauses for a moment then says “Tell you what, you don’t say anything about the sheep, I won’t say anything about the white child.”

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SmilingBest/most visited Joke’s to date at the EYE-BALL JokeZone’s Blog:

  1. A must see ‘YouTube Video’ – Shark Ballet – [over 9 million YouTube hits – must see the ending]
  2. YouTube Post – ‘Charlie Sheen and his Goddesses’ – as real as it gets …
  3. Various – Little Johnny Jokes
  4. Stand Alone Joke – Little Johnny and Sis’

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