Home > The EYE-BALL JokeZone > Joke Zone 1 – Various

Joke Zone 1 – Various

March 19, 2011

The Male Golfers Wet Dream …

Two women were playing golf.

One teed off and  watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a  foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of  the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his  groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in  agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began  to apologize. ‘Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical  Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d  allow me, she told him.

‘Oh, no, I’ll be all right.  I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man replied. He was in  obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his  hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he  finally allowed her to help.

She gently took his hands away  and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her  hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage  for several long moments and asked, ‘How does that  feel’?

Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb’s broken!

_________________________________________________________

MALE SENSITIVITY…

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary help and assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said,  “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier.” Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.

She looked at the men in the room, “Gentlemen, remember — you’re in this together.  It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

After a few moments, a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

“Yes,” said the Instructor.

“I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?

—- This kind of sensitivity just can’t be taught.

_____________________________________________________________

Difference Between Grandmothers & Grandfathers

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and Grandfathers?  Well, here it is: There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to spend time with his son’s family on weekends.  Every Saturday morning he would take his 7-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some quality time — just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a bad cold and really didn’t feel like being up at all.  He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives and would be disappointed.  Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter for the drive.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather who was still in bed.  “Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?” he asked.

“Oh, yes, Pap Pap, it was really wonderful.  We didn’t see a single asshole, blind bastard, dumbshit, dipshit or son of a bitch anywhere we went!”

Almost brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?

_________________________________________________

TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES

The kids filed back into class Monday morning.  They were very excited.  Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”

“Very good,” said the teacher. Little Jenny was next:

“I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events.”

“Very good, Jenny,” said the teacher..

Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath ….

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said.

“$2,467!” cried the

teacher, “What in

the world were you selling?”

“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.

“Toothbrushes!” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?”

“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample.”

They all said the same thing, “Hey, this tastes like dog poop!”

Then I would say,  “It is dog poop. Wanna buy a toothbrush?”

“I used the government’s strategy of giving you something shitty for free, and then making you pay to get that taste out of your mouth.”

_____________________________________________________________

Advertisements
Categories: The EYE-BALL JokeZone
%d bloggers like this: